I looked at my own cervix.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Randomize
