I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
