My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
