U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
