he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
