tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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