just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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