This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
