but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
