toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
