I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
