Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
