Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
