Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize