Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
