You just made me feel so damn special
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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