He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
