I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
