It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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