she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
