He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
