So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
