You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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