I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
