NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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