Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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