Barsexuality is the new black.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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