You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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