I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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