my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
