His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
this is an emotional support booty call
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
