So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize