Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
