Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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