I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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