so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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