I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
