She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
