no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
