Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
be right there i have to get my cape
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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