You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
