There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
