Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
