Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
