the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
