I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
