there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
