My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
