Can Purell be used as lube?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
