just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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