How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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