My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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