This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
