I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
