Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
