Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
