i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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