Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
