somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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