In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
even my farts smell like vagina
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize