Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
