Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
