i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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