you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
