I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
