I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
