He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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