Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
