why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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