I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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