I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
