dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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