Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
