Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
