I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
