When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
