Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
