this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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