I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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