He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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