You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
