They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
