i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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