If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
