So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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