I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
