just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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