I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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