Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
