well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
