I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize