Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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