pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
