I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
