i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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