I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
