that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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