He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
