Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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