I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
