Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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