What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
