i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
