last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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