I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
