Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
